I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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