Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
