I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
