I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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