we have officially lost it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
