your parents love me but you hate me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
