New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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