wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
