just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
