i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
