AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
