I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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