I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
