Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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