You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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