TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
