it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My ass is underappreciated
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
