Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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