i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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