I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
