Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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