I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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