i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
