We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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