That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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