mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
