Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
