I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the condom got lost in my hair
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
