Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
