Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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