So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
