For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
