I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
