Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize