I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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