i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
