so that wasnt chicken after all
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
