I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
