her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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