I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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