Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
