oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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