Just fell off a train. Bad.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
