i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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