I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my being single is dangerous.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
