I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
