Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
