How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
