ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
