I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
