Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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