Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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