doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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