You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
