He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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