She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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