yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
