how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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