i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
