Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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