I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
