He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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