We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
