Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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